From Bad to Beautiful
by waitingFORthePERFECTsong9092
Summary: How could something ugly have such a beautiful outcome? KAMES, SLASH! boyxboy


_**I know this isn't an update for my two chapter fics, but I promise I haven't given up on them! I have so much writer's block, that I really need to figure out where I want the stories to go. They will get updated eventually; I will NEVER leave a fic unfinished!**_

_**However, I have inspiration for this one-shot here. I'm hoping that by getting back into writing, it will help with my writer's block. Also, my partner-in-crime is getting back into action with her stuff, so that's definitely a motivator. She'll be able to help me (as I'll be able to help her), and we'll be back in business shortly! **_

_**But anyways, hope you all had a great holiday, whatever you all celebrate! Also, Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2014 already (I officially graduate college in May, OHHHMYYYYGODDDD)! Hopefully this one-shot is a nice way to start off the new year. I also have another idea for a long fic that I may start on soon! So that's exciting. Like I said, I will return to those other fics eventually! I just need my muse back for both…**_

_**This is KAMES… As some people say they weren't warned, this is a slash fic, boyxboy. If you aren't into that, or just don't care to read that type of stuff, then yeah you don't have to read beyond this point. But, if you are going to read it, you have been warned!**_

_**It's set in show!verse, and the characters might be a little OOC if you want to think that way.**_

_**Let's get this started, shall we?**_

_**I do not own Big Time Rush or anything you may recognize, in case you don't know. Hopefully you all do right now, just don't shove it in my face :P**_

"Ew, why would you say that? James is crazy, like neurotic crazy! How could I like someone who only really cares about himself and his looks? Please, if I was to go for someone, I would look for someone with more substance, someone who offers more than just a pretty face."

That was the last thing James wanted to hear. He literally left the room for 2 minutes just so he can get a drink of water. And it wasn't like Kendall was trying to be secretive about it too; like he could've at least lowered his voice or wait till he was sure James wouldn't return.

"So is that what you really think about me?" James makes his presence known, and Kendall jumps 5 feet in the air while Logan looks away very guiltily.

When Kendall can finally get himself together, he says, "What are you talking about? I didn't say anything."

"So it wasn't you who, who I just heard and saw, say that I'm disgusting, neurotic crazy, and that I only really care about myself and my looks? Hm, awesome new magic trick, Kendall." James responds sarcastically.

Now Kendall is speechless, he knows he fucked up. But, he really didn't mean what he said. He'll make sure to explain it to James later.

"James, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it came out. You've misunderstood me, please believe me." Kendall begs.

"Sure, whatever." And James fakes the smile he sends Kendall's way, just placating him so that he doesn't make a scene.

"So, we good?"

"Sure" James responds, and turns to get back into the dance rehearsal. He knows it's not over, hearing what was said by his best friend (and the guy he's been in love with forever), you can't quite get over that so quickly.

Logan moves to Kendall, giving him a look, "You know everything is not ok, right?"

Kendall brushes off what Logan said. "Of course everything's ok, he said we're good."

"He said sure, which doesn't quite mean everything is ok. Just don't be alarmed if things are different between the two of you, I know if I heard that about me, I wouldn't be so forgiving." Logan forewarns Kendall.

Kendall counters, "I said I was sorry, I mean you can't say I didn't apologize."

"But sometimes, saying you're sorry isn't enough."

~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK~*~*~*~*

James doesn't breakdown until he's sure Kendall isn't around. Once James is in the shower back in 2J, he lets it all go. He's so hurt by what was said, especially by it coming from Kendall. Not only is Kendall James's number 1 best friend, but also he's been in love with Kendall for so long, and he's so insecure about it. He knows he's not good enough for Kendall, and by Kendall pointing out all his flaws, James was just reassured that nothing will happen, and that's hard to accept. He keeps his sobs quiet so that no one thinks anything of it, and before he did a good job at keeping a mask up so that no one thinks anything is wrong. But, hearing that he's neurotic crazy and that he only really cares about himself and his look. And most of all, what did Kendall mean by "ew"? Was James really that ugly and disgusting? James makes sure he's 100% perfect everyday before they leave for recording or dance rehearsal so that he can look good for Kendall. And what was that apology? "I didn't mean it the way it came out, you misunderstood me." James is sure he meant what he said, and that's what kills James even more. He has such trust issues with everyone, and now he's questioning what everyone really thinks about him. "Does Logan think the same way? Can Carlos not stand me either?" Weirdly enough, those thoughts didn't quite sting him as much as it did when it came from Kendall.

James gets out of the shower and dries himself off. He goes towards his bedroom, the one he shares with Kendall, and wants to quickly get dressed so he can leave the apartment and not have to be around Kendall. However, luck wasn't on his side, and the one person he doesn't want to see is hanging out in their shared bedroom, reading a hockey magazine on his bed.

"Hey James, wanna grab some dinner tonight? We can go to your favorite sushi restaurant." Kendall asks James, but asks him in a way that makes it seem like what had happened earlier never happened.

At first, James just wants to ignore him, but he knew he had to respond.

"Can't, sorry." And James doesn't really sound sorry at all, but he quickly dresses into jeans and a tee, and makes his way to the front of the apartment so he can leave. The less he has to be around Kendall, the better.

~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~

James has been avoiding Kendall, and pretty much all of his best friends, for the better part of the week. He only really comes to 2J to eat (if Camille, Guitar Dude, or his other friends have plans or rehearsals), sleep, and shower. And when he does talk to people, it's short and forced. But, Kendall doesn't understand why. Logan has kept reminding him that this is his entire fault. Logan is upset because he feels guilty about coming to Kendall to accuse him of having feelings for James. Carlos is upset because he lost his partner-in-crime, and he's so confused because he has no idea what's going on. All of 2J has no idea what's going on, and Mama Knight has had it. She misses James, and misses the way they used to be. Katie has figured out what happened, but she's trying to stay out of it, unless everything gets too out of hand. However, Logan takes it upon himself to talk to Kendall again, maybe get it through his thick skull that he must fix this. Logan and Kendall go out for lunch to a little café near the PalmWoods. Logan figures that if he can take Kendall away from the apartment, he'd be able to open up easier. They quickly order their sandwiches, and Logan gets down to business.

"You know you're the only one that can fix this, right? Everyone is just not themselves now that James isn't around much. I mean does this even bother you at all?"

Kendall thinks about it for a little bit as he slowly nibbles on his sandwich. He knows what he said was horrible, but James said they were cool.

Kendall returns with, "It only bothers me because he lied to me. He said he was ok when he clearly isn't. I apologized, I fixed what I did wrong."

Logan face palms himself, "Kendall, how stupid can you be right now? It BOTHERS YOU because HE LIED to YOU!? What the fuck is that? Can't you see that James is clearly hurt by what you said? He's one of your best friends, and he probably values your opinions more than he does over Carlos and me. You weren't exactly quiet when you said all those things, and even though he was probably there for all of it, he probably could've heard you from the water cooler, and that's far from the dance room. I'm just surprised he didn't deck you, or do anything worse than ignore you, goes to show how hurt he really is. Now, why would you say such things? Is there something you're hiding?"

Kendall pales, Logan just honed in on what exactly Kendall's been hiding.

"If I tell you this, will you promise not to tell anyone else?" Kendall pleads.

"Depends."

Kendall takes a deep breath, "I think I may have feelings for James. He's always been one of my best friends, but lately I've been thinking more about things. I love the way he takes pride in his appearance. I love how he's not fake to anyone, and that he tells it like it is. I love how when we both can't sleep, we stay up talking about everything and anything, although that hasn't happened the past week. I love how awesome he is with Katie and they treat each other like they're truly siblings too. And most of all," Kendall takes another deep breath, and pinches the bridge of his nose, "I love him the way he is. There, I said it, I love James Diamond. Are you happy now, Logan?"

Logan smiles, knowing it all along that Kendall loves James. "You know what you've not to do now, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I have to come clean to James, right?"

"Well, yeah, but before that, you should tell everyone else. I mean, James told everyone when he figured out he is gay, and we all accepted him. And then you must come up with an elaborate plan to make it up to James. At least you're good at that." Logan pats Kendall's shoulder.

Kendall smiles sincerely, "Thanks Logan, you're the best."

"Oh and Kendall, one more thing?"

Confused, Kendall replies "Sure."

"I'm a little offended at how you said James is your best friend. I mean what am I, chopped liver?"

And as Logan laughs, Kendall knows everything will be ok.

~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~

James has a routine at night, and not just his normal beauty routine. The time he returns to 2J is usually the time that Kendall and everyone is already asleep. So all he has to do is get into bed and not have to deal with anyone. However, he hasn't really been able to sleep, and he cries himself to sleep as long as he knows Kendall isn't awake. James is still hurting from everything, and he can't help but feel a little depressed about it. He only lets himself feel weak when he's alone, and at night is one of the only times he knows he can get away with it.

~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~

Kendall decides to put the plan in motion tonight, he can't wait any longer. He knows that Logan told him to tell everyone first, but he knows what he's doing, or at least he hopes. He decides to wait up for James, to pretend he's asleep so James won't leave. But as soon as he hears James come back and dive right into bed, what he hears breaks his heart. Sniffles and quiet sobs fill the empty room, and Kendall has to wonder how he hasn't noticed.

He quietly gets out of his bed, and gracefully walks to James's bed. He picks up James's covers, and glides himself underneath them. He becomes bold and wraps his arms around James's torso, which effectively scares the shit out of James. James becomes still and stiff, and his sobs and sniffles come to a halt. He quickly turns around and when he realizes its Kendall, he jumps out of bed, arms covering his torso. Kendall sits up in James's bed, ready for whatever the other boy has for him.

"Kendall, get the fuck out of my bed!" James goes to grab Kendall and drag him out of the bed.

Kendall, with his quick reflexes, grabs James's arm and holds it. "Not until we talk. Will you please hear me out?"

James retorts, "No because I'll go crazy on you, like neurotic crazy. And I _know_ you don't want that."

"James, please, I'm really sorry for saying all those things, but please hear me out."

"Why should I? You obviously don't care about my feelings, I only care about myself after all." James quickly puts on a pair of sweatpants and a tee and makes his way to sleep on the couch for the night.

However, Kendall is quicker again, and shuts the door before James can even step foot outside of the bedroom. "You know that's not true, I know that's not true. Will you please listen to me?" James's notices Kendall's voice cracks on the last word, and he notices his eye's look a little watery.

James takes a deep breath, and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Fine. What do you have to say, Kendall?"

"Come sit with me on the bed, please?"

James moves to sit next to Kendall on the bed, and crosses his legs in the "pretzel" fashion. He turns all of his attention to the boy next to him. Kendall mimics James, and in turn, takes James's hands in his. At first, James starts to struggle, obviously not wanting Kendall to touch him, but after Kendall pouts and silently pleads, he eventually lets Kendall take his hands. All of his attention is put on Kendall.

"James, I really didn't mean anything I said that day. I lied about everything just so Logan can leave me alone and get him off my back. I didn't ever want you to hear me, and I didn't realize how loud I was."

James, now curious, asks Kendall, "What did Logan hound you about?"

"Do you promise not to hate me? Or at least hate me more than you already do?"

James hesitates, but slowly nods his head yes.

"Logan asked me if I had romantic feelings for you, like feelings that go beyond normal friendship. And I was afraid if I told him the truth, he'd hate me, and then he'd tell everyone, and it would somehow get back to you and you'd hate me too. To be honest, I do have romantic feelings towards you. I'm in love with you. Please, don't hate me. I want more than anything to be friends with you at the very least. I cannot lose your friendship. It means the world to me, and this past week has been the hardest because you couldn't stand to be around me. I'm so very sorry James, and I promise, it will never happen again." Kendall lets go of James's hands and returns back to his bed. He gets under the covers and quietly sniffles to himself and resigns himself to crying himself to sleep. He doesn't care that James is around, all he knows is he's sure James hates him even more now, and he just totally ruined their 10+ year friendship.

James sits there dumbfounded, he's in shock. He can't believe that the guy he loves actually loves him back. He's so overjoyed, he doesn't realize Kendall is back in his bed. He gets up from his bed, and goes to join Kendall in his bed, and when he finds out that Kendall is crying, all he wants to do is hold him and make everything ok. So that's what he does, he puts his arms around Kendall and kisses his head. Kendall turns into James, and accepts his comfort.

James doesn't care how long Kendall's been in his embrace, he just wants to hear Kendall say that he loves him again, he's afraid he hallucinated the whole thing. When Kendall's sobs turn into sniffles, he lets Kendall go and as they lay side by side, James looks him in the eyes. As they stare into each other, the connection they feel is so tangible.

Kendall is the first to speak, "I'm sorry, I didn't really mean anything."

"I know, and I accept your apology." And for the first time in a while, James's smile is sincere, and it makes Kendall's heart soar.

"Listen, I know I said I love you, and I really do, but if you don't feel the same way, don't spare my feelings. Just tell me we can still be friends."

James smiles again, and takes hold of Kendall's hands, "Kendall, I love you too. I have for like forever. I'm surprised you didn't know. Logan and Carlos know, and believe it or not, so does your mom and sister."

Kendall's eyes go wide, not realizing this at all, "Wow, I feel like a shithead, I never noticed. Now I really feel like an idiot, we could've spared this whole week and we could've been together now."

James laughs, "It was meant to happen this way. But I do love you, and I can't help but feel like I'm dreaming right now. I never thought in a million years you would feel the same way, let alone that you're gay or bisexual."

Kendall pulls James into his arms, and reveling in the scent that can only belong to James, "I can promise you you're not dreaming, here, let me prove it to you."

And with that, Kendall leans in and places his lips upon James's. James eagerly replies and their lips mold together, and relishes the feeling of Kendall's lips and how he tastes. He's officially died and has gone to heaven. They break apart and look each other in the face.

"I don't mean to get all serious here, but I do want to talk about what you said and how that made me feel. All my life I never thought I was worthy of anyone, and more importantly, worthy of you. I heard nothing but negative things, similar to what you said, coming from my mom, and with you saying those things brought me back to my mom chastising me, saying that I should only care about myself, and that I always have to be on top of my looks. She always made it seem like I wasn't ever good enough, and hearing you say all that made me feel that again. I always make sure I feel like I look good in the morning so that you can think I look good. I've never wanted to be accepted more by a person than I have with you. Hearing that I'm crazy and all that I care about are my looks from you, since I love you so much, practically killed me inside, and I never want to feel that way again." By the end, James was in tears, showing Kendall a side of himself that really only Kendall has seen.

Kendall brings James into his chest, and rubs his back, letting James let out everything he's been holding in. He's truly kicking himself because he knows what James went through, and he knows James has self-esteem issues. James has told Kendall all of this before, and Kendall couldn't believe James has self-esteem issues when he first told him. He makes a promise to himself that this will never happen again, and that he will never make James feel as low as he did. When James tired himself out, he pulled back and kissed James to show him that he is sorry, and that he doesn't think that way about him, and that of course he loves him.

~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~

They're happy they have the day off, so they take advantage of the night and just cuddle with each other. They don't have to say any thing, just the comfort of knowing the other is there is enough. Every once in a while, one of them places a kiss somewhere on each other, each place different every time. James, however, has something else on his mind.

"Kendall, do you think I'm sexy?" James says innocently, and at first Kendall thought James was joking, but when he realizes he's hesitating and that James is getting upset, he quickly shuts that down.

"Of course I do, you're the sexiest guy I've ever met. Please don't think otherwise." Kendall assures James, placing a kiss on his lips.

"It's just, I've never felt this way about someone before, and I've never wanted to be with someone more than I have with you."

Kendall questions, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

James, apprehensively, answers, "I've never done anything before with anyone. I've always felt like people would think I'm ugly, and that I wouldn't know what I'm doing."

"Aw baby, come here," Kendall pulls James into his chest once again, "It's ok, don't worry. I don't think you're ugly, hell, you're far from it. You're so beautiful. And I'd be a hypocrite if I thought you didn't know what you're doing. Hell, I've never done anything either with anyone, and I sure as hell don't know what I'm doing."

That reassured James, that they're both on the same level. Kendall, however, wants to point out what makes James beautiful.

"James, your eyebrows are so nice and neat, mine are jealous. Your eyes are so beautiful, the brown and green in them are a combo I've never seen before. Your nose is so cute, I love kissing it," and to emphasize, he kisses James's nose. "Your chin is perfect, and I love the little cleft you have. Don't even get me started on your body, your abs are so perfect, I can't wait to claim them as mine. I'm sure I'll love everything that's under your bellybutton, because I already know your legs are so magnificent. They look so strong, yet you're so graceful. I love your laugh, and the little giggle you make when I tickle you. I love your teeth because they're so straight and so white. I love your smile, because you can light up a room and make my heart do funny things. And most of all, I love your lips. I love kissing them, and I regret that I haven't been kissing you sooner." And with that, Kendall leans in and heats things up with James on top.

As they shed their clothing and are down the bare minimum, Kendall looks into James's eyes and says, "Don't ever listen to anything negative about you. Point them in my direction, and I'll show them straight. Come to me when you're feeling upset, and I'll chase all the bad thoughts away. I love you so much, and I would be elated to call you my boyfriend."

James's eyes well up with tears, and says "Yes, of course. I love you."

Kendall smiles, "I love you too, now, lets see how even more sexy you can be."

And with that giggle that Kendall loves, the two of them discover just how a bad situation can turn into something beautiful.


End file.
